By Sharon A. Hollander, Psy.D., and Michelle Hollander
Tears, tantrums, tension and tummy aches. What do these things have in common?
They’re aspects of stage fright, also called performance anxiety. Many children (and adults) experience stage fright across different situations, from school and social interactions to sports and performances of all kinds. It’s not surprising that many children worry about how they will be perceived; they understandably fear being judged and falling short.
While some nervousness is normal, whether it’s a child’s first dance recital or a Broadway star’s opening night, jitters that significantly affect performance or become a reason to avoid it may require more attention. For example, children may suffer from nausea, headaches or other physical discomfort, and parents may also notice distressing behaviors like crying, distractibility, irritability and negative self-talk.
Parents and family members, along with teachers, coaches and other supportive adults, can often help children manage—and ultimately master—their jitters. They can start by validating a child’s anxious feelings rather than ignoring or criticizing them, and then supply steady and realistic praise and encouragement.
Here are some ways parents can set the stage to help their child manage nerves:
Emphasize effort over outcome. Nervous students need to know that their parents and other audience members appreciate their strengths and simply want them to do their best.
Avoid a one-and-done mindset. Remind children that their skills will get better with practice and that performing is likely to get easier over time.
Suggest strategies to increase confidence. For example, performers can be directed to focus on just one person or a small section of the audience.
Supplement praise with proximity. Parents can sit at or near the piano, stage or field during practice sessions, or even during the actual performance or game, to offer encouragement.
Share real-life stories. Adults can tell their own tales about overcoming the jitters or find interviews with performers the child admires that speak to the subject.
Preparing for Performance
Practice really does make perfect, according to Bob Ross, a dedicated New Jersey -based piano teacher for more than 20 years. Besides conventional rehearsal for practice, Ross often encourages his students to use their imaginations to visualize playing a piece successfully from beginning to end.
Similarly, a part of the family’s living space can become a virtual stage where students can run through one or more dress rehearsals, practice walking on and off their mark or otherwise pretend their way to mastery. If the actual venue is available, that’s even better.
Ross also teaches musical games like “freeze and thaw,” where you speed up and slow down with the music, and “ghosting,” which involves playing only the surface of the piano keys to vary student experience and enhance muscle memory.
Similarly, Francis Pàce-Nuñez, an actor and theater teacher in New York, engages in improvisation exercises and theater games with his students. Back at home, young performers can start up these lighthearted pre-performance activities at almost any time and even bring other family members onto the “stage.”
In addition to those proven techniques, parents can consider these other anxiety-busting activities and find the ones that work best for their child:
- Performance rituals, like a family huddle, silent cheer or post-performance treat
- Performance day checklists
- Physical exercise, like walking, running or dancing
- Breathing exercises and guided meditation
- Writing, talking and other forms of self-expression
- Celebrate progress, not perfection
Although unpleasant, poor performance is a part of life, and it need not be a catastrophe. Ross kindly tells his piano students that it is OK to slip up and then move on. Parents can certainly reinforce that sort of message and encourage even the most anxious learners to continue.
After all, children gain so much from learning, playing and performing as they become more confident, mature and attentive. Once they master their jitters, that will be yet another achievement that they can celebrate and build upon.
Local Resources for Parents
“Piper Chen Sings,” by Phillipa Soo, is a picture book about a young singer welcoming the butterflies instead of worrying about them, and “The Berenstain Bears Get Stage Fright,” by Stan Berenstain and Jan Berenstain, shines a spotlight on the friendly and familiar Berenstain Bears performing in a school play. Find them in these local bookstores and use them to help your child manage their performance:
Park Books
Severna Park, MD
Flying Cloud Booksellers
Easton, MD
Books-A-Million
Hanover and Waldorf, MD
Thoughtful instruction and practice are some of the best ways to prevent or address stage fright. Below are some local resources for education and enrichment in the performing arts:
Naptown Sings and Plays
Annapolis, MD
Etudes Music
Odenton, MD
Annapolis Dance Academy
Arnold, MD
Compass Rose Theater
Annapolis, MD
Children’s Theatre of Annapolis
Annapolis, MD
L’ecole de Danse
Annapolis, MD
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