While some kids hit the ground running when it comes to making friends, other children might need a helping hand. But what can you do as a parent?
First, parents should know that they’re not alone. Nearly 19% of parents say their child has no friends or not enough friends and 90% say their child would like to make new friends, according to the C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll on Children’s Health in September 2024.
The poll asked a national sample of parents to children ages 6 to 12 several questions about their perspectives on making new friends. More than half of parents reported that at least one factor makes it hard for their child to make friends. These factors included reasons like shyness, not having time or enough spaces to play together and other kids already having friend groups or being mean.
How To Know if Your Child Is Struggling Socially
The best way to learn is to listen.
According to Xiomara Arrieta, a clinical social worker with Thriveworks, when children talk about their day, they should mention things their peers did or things they did together, or ask about spending time with their friends outside of school.
Arrieta regularly counsels children and their families in her home state of Maryland, and Thriveworks is a national organization which offers therapy and psychiatry services online as well. Arrieta also brings experience as the mother of a 10-year-old boy.
Given her personal and professional experience, she says that children between the ages of 5 and 10 years old are typically very interested in other children.
“You definitely should hear them talking about their peers,” Arrieta says.
If parents aren’t hearing these references to their children’s friends, Arrieta suggests starting with the school. Parents can talk to their children’s teachers or a school counselor to ask about how their children are in class.
“The teacher might say something like, you know, ‘Your child is chatty.’ That’s maybe a good sign in terms of what we’re talking about, that the child is socializing and they are in fact interested,” Arrieta says. “But if the teacher says, you know, ‘They kind of do their own thing’ or ‘They don’t really play,’ that’s something I would ask more about.”
How To Help Your Child Make Friends
The C.S. Mott poll found that some of the most common strategies parents use to help their children make new friends include arranging play dates or outings, enrolling their children in activities to meet kids with similar interests, giving their children advice and trying to befriend parents who have kids that are the same age.
Parents can find community through religious organizations, libraries or other public spaces catering to families.
Library systems typically host a variety of free events and programs for kids of all ages. Attending library events as a family provides parents with an opportunity to meet other parents while their kids build social skills and learn.
Some kids may benefit from working on social skills at home first. Arrieta invites families to be intentional about scheduling social time together, face to face.
She suggests parents “put down their phones and their computers and all of that stuff. Break out a board game, a card game, or I’ll send them on a community walk,” she says. “Those kinds of things help the child to get a taste for socializing.”
Arrieta notes that while some games are multiplayer and kids can interact with their friends online, there’s a balance to be struck, and parents should still encourage their children to develop their social skills in person.
Parents can also encourage their children to develop these skills by changing their own behavior with screen time or modeling the positive social behaviors they want to see. According to Arrieta, these regular social activities and behavior modeling help form the foundation for how children are going to interact with their peers.
Positive social behaviors are things people do that help others and make someone pleasant to be around. Parents can watch their children while they play to see if they can identify skills the child might be struggling with—such as sharing, working together, listening or resolving conflicts.
Finally, parents should remember that every child is different. What works for one child might not work for another. Some kids are more reserved. The important thing is to be present in the child’s life, be aware of how they’re developing socially and be ready to create opportunities for them to play with other kids.
The post Helping Your Child Make Friends appeared first on Chesapeake Family.