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The Japanese docuseries “Old Enough!” follows children ages 2 to 5 as they navigate the city on their own. The kids toddle to the grocery store and do other errands, demonstrating an independence that is far above what we’re used to in the United States.
Some can recall the days of playing outside until a parent hollered at us to come home for dinner. But instances of kids being allowed to play freely, sans adults, nowadays seem to be few and far between.
Lenore Skenazy, a writer and blogger, was labeled the “world’s worst mom” for allowing her 9-year-old son to ride the New York City subway by himself in 2008. She went on to found Free-Range Kids, a movement that encourages children’s independence and a can-do attitude.
Her critics attest that she put her child at risk of danger, not because her son doesn’t know better, but because the outside world may be filled with child-snatchers and other sinister figures. Is this a reason to keep our kids under lock and key? Some parents think so.
For National Safety Month, we looked into best practices for letting children go outside unsupervised.
Crossing the Street Safely
Experts don’t all agree on one age that it’s OK to let kids walk to school by themselves or take a solo trip to the neighborhood park.
Skenazy says 7 is the “age of reason.” Dr. Dana Dorfman, a psychotherapist and public speaker, tells Scholastic that this is a developmental stage in which kids become “more capable of rational thought, have internalized a conscience and have better capacity to control impulses.”
The age of 7 is when kids can fully grasp rules and regulations, according to a 2022 study by the National Institutes of Health (NIH). Some experts say kids shouldn’t walk to school unsupervised until they’re at least 10, or in the fifth grade—because drivers have an easier time seeing tall pedestrians and may not notice a smaller child.
Research from the University of Iowa suggests perceptual judgment and motor skills—both fundamental to safely crossing a busy street—aren’t fully developed until age 14.
Researchers simulated a road of moving cars and asked children ages 6, 8, 10, 12 and 14 to cross the road 20 times. The 14-year-olds were the only age group to remain accident-free.
Parents should remember that children may have difficulty identifying gaps in traffic large enough to safely cross. Younger kids may also lack the fine motor skills to step into the road immediately after a car passes like an adult can, according to the University of Iowa.
This doesn’t mean parents should hover over their children until they reach high school, but rather they should spend more time teaching the child how to cross the street safely.
Skenazy advises teaching the basics that she learned in kindergarten: “Look left, look right, look left again.”
Ellen Lee, a journalist, author and mother of three in the San Francisco Bay Area, says to encourage children to pay attention to their surroundings.
At a street crossing, ask the child, “Would you cross now? What do you look for?” The answers are a red light, other people crossing and eye contact with the driver, according to Skenazy.
“[Do] anything you can do that prepares them for the world,” she adds.
Stranger Danger?
Skenazy lives by the motto “Talk to people but don’t go off with people.” It’s what she taught her son decades ago instead of “stranger danger.”
She didn’t want to instill fear around “strangers” because the majority of crimes against children are committed by people they already know.
Also, kids may get confused about who qualifies as a stranger. A child should know to approach a store clerk or librarian—both technically “strangers”—if they are in potential danger without a parent around. Experts advise unsupervised children who are lost or otherwise in need of help to approach an adult with kids.
Skenazy says children need to understand that it’s OK to talk to almost anyone, but as soon as that person tries to take you elsewhere, put a stop to it.
“It’s a simple rule that kids understand better,” Skenazy says.
A helpful tip can be providing your child with a list of trusted adults, such as family friends and neighbors, who are allowed to pick them up from school or drive them somewhere. If an adult isn’t on the contact list, the child can decline the offer.
The three R’s are one of Skenazy’s teachings in case of an unsafe situation, stranger or not.
“Recognize that no one can touch you where your bathing suit covers, resist (kick and scream if someone’s bothering you) and then, finally, report,” Skenazy says. “If someone says, ‘This is our little secret’ or ‘Your mom would be really mad at you [if you tell her],’ just tell your kids, ‘no.’”
Gaining Independence
So, your child knows all the tips and tricks of the “free-range” life. Now, it’s time to actually let them out the door.
Lee recommends taking baby steps, establishing the boundaries of where the child is allowed to go at first: a friend’s house down the block or the neighborhood park, but not all the way across town.
“Don’t go from no freedom to absolute freedom,” says Lee, who adds that she always gets the contact information for the parents of her kids’ friends.
Summer is the perfect time to let kids roam around the neighborhood, which can be supplemented with technology including cell phones, smartwatches or walkie-talkies, according to an article by ParentMap Magazine.
Lee, a senior staff writer for the New York Times’ Wirecutter product recommendation service, has tested close to 20 different kids’ smartwatches. She named the Gizmo Watch as the top choice. Parents can connect, call, message and locate their kid’s Gizmo Watch and manage the device’s settings and trusted contacts.
While Lee warns parents not to completely rely on the smartwatch for their child’s location at every waking moment, it can be a helpful tool for the child to call a trusted adult immediately if the need arises.
“I have a 9-year-old, and I send him out around the neighborhood, oftentimes without the smartwatch,” Lee says. “I don’t necessarily feel the need to always send him out [wearing a smartwatch], but it’s definitely a convenient thing to have.”
She recalls a time when her son went to a friend’s house and then went from there to another friend’s house. Without the smartwatch, Lee would’ve had to text multiple parents asking whether her son was over.
“There’s a convenience to be able to call his watch and he can come home, or if I look at the app, I’ll know where he is at any given time,” Lee says.
At the same time, others don’t think a smartwatch or smartphone is necessary at all. Skenazy sees these tracking devices as a crutch for anxious parents.
“It’s that fine balance,” Lee says. “As a parent, I need to be able to have that trust and let go, to know that my child can navigate the world without me and that my child knows he can develop the confidence to navigate the world without his parents.”
Note: If you’re considering a smartwatch for your child, research the safety and security of each brand. Several years ago, there were a handful of kids’ smartwatch brands with security flaws. The Gizmo Watch was not one of them.
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